Hair Issues

I'm dying to have my hair colored and styled like this.....

One dayyyy....

Of marriage and other lies

I told myself that I would only read Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Committed,” until the fat lady sings or in my so-called layman’s terms: when I’m truly wholeheartedly ready to commit.  I have nothing else to read and I’m in a very frugal mood so I ended up rereading old books. When I read everything, I took the leap and got the courage to pick up, “Committed.”

Some of my close friends know how I’m the epitome of a nutcase… hey wait a minute, look in the url box... “I’m” Sisa. I pushed someone away who some of my friends believe as “the one who got away.” I’m still wrestling with the thought that in my whole life he really is the one who got away. Sana hindi. CHAR!

Anywhoo, “Committed,” is how a skeptic makes peace with marriage. I won’t make kwento already but below are some of my favorite lines… so far.

-       Sometimes, life’s too hard to be alone and sometimes life is too good to be alone.

-       … because the good stuff is always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.

-       I can look at you without wanting to have sex with you.

-       All human suffering is rooted in desire (Buddha)

-       One man’s Venus is another man’s bimbo

-       I had never dared to dream that I would be allowed to have any of those things in my life. 

So far that’s it. I actually don’t care much about this, but I think in the long run I’m going to back to all these… hopefully. Hahaha

So why all of a sudden about marriage?

Yesterday, I had a dress made for a wedding of a friend. She’s the first one to get married in my barkada. I mean come on… seriously? Marriage? I can’t even stand couples holding hands and the thought of me going all lovey dovey gives me the creeps. Although sometimes, I miss it but then I wake up from that illusion sweating like sh*t. I’m not bitter or jealous of my friend but I don’t know I’m just putting myself in her position.

Lies.

A few years ago, I lied to a guy who I was trying to ditch. He’s actually nice…. Even smells nice… Thoughtful, caring, etc. The whole enchilada… but I have my own reasons and hang-ups so I wanted to ditch him. He went to the US for vacation. When he went there after a few months, I told him that I secretly married a son of a political scion and was planning to have a kid soon. Hahaha!

Took me awhile to sell him the whole picture but he bought it. It worked, he never called or e-mailed no nothing. Until this afternoon when he ym-ed me and asked me how my kids are…. Told him casually… “Hey joke lang lahat ng yun naniwala ka naman.” Hahaha

I’m sure he would’ve loved to kick me in the balls well if I have one that is. Hahaha

He said it’s okay but knowing him I’m sure he’s pissed as hell and might be on his 10^th bottle right abouuut now!

Ironic part is… I just realized how he resembles “the one who got away.”

PAK!

I want a tv embrace

and i wish i could say that everyone was wrong... - Cigarettes Will Kill You

I have to admit.. are you ready for this? Yes I wanted to prove everyone of them wrong.... that it was really possible for me and you.... and the whole enchilada. 

I hate this part right here. CHAR. Pussycat Dolls is that you?!?

Okay. So.....

Played it too well that "maybe" i forgot to see what's really there?

Or all the while I knew it was there... but it wasn't the right time?

Mr. Right is not necessarily Mr. Now?

You felt the leap of faith but logic tells you it's not yet time.

If you really believe that why this?

Why the finished pack of cigarettes? Why the #nowplaying? Why the nauseating, heavy, weak on the knees and craving for alcohol feeling they call "hurt"?

Hhhmmm..... or gusto ko lang mag emo bilang may reason ako to go full emo mode?

And so I end this entry with this song.... (ala DJ)

"and I'm tired, of so much wanting and what if, don't even think it but why not." - I Ache for You

And of course your favorite song...

Age is just a number... daw.

For lovers... age doesn't matter.


Most of the the time it does buddy. Whether we like it or not, it is a deciding factor. But I'm not going to blab about age differences in relationships and such, I want to talk about my age...


I'm turning 25 in a few months and for some weird reason, I feel like I'm under so much non existent pressure.


Do you believe in quarter life crisis? I do! Okay, so Sisa Mode ON! Is it me or is everybody like in a hurry to do so much. As if we're in a race, that we have to do everything NOW. We have to buy this now, we have to eat in this restaurant now, we have to see each other now, we have to have a crush now, we have to find someone who we can possibly spend the rest of our lives with now.


Okay the last one was a bit far but come on. Aminin!


On the way to church..
Dadi: May bagong village na pala dito...
Nowie: Oo nga noh...
Dadi: Oh bili ka na dyan, gamitin mo na pag-ibig mo para sa future....


And I'm like.. "SAAAYY WUUUHHHT DAD!?!?!"


Over dinner...
Momi: Ilan taon ka na nga?
Nowie: Shux, mag 25 na ako!!!!
Momi: Nung 25 ako two years old ka na eh..


"SAY WUUUHHHHHHHHTTTT!!!!!!?!?!"


So yeah, why do I have this feeling that I SHOULD be doing more?


Talking to myself would also not help since I have this "internal" goal of being married by the age of 25. So nothing worked out so far so I'm moving it to 28. Haha

Having my eyes on the age of 28 it just feels like its a million light years away and at the same time it looks.... old. :(


I hope I'd still be a hot mom when I get to have a kid. I'd like to still hear a compliment, "omg, you look like his sister." Hahaha

Here are my signs of aging:
 - arthritis
 - sleepy by 10pm
 - lowered alcohol tolerance
 - would rather go out when there's still sun
 - etc. etc.


Or maybe I just got tired of the fast life so here I am slowing it down. But being the impatient that I am, I keep asking... what's next?


This coming of age/quarter life crisis is really annoying. Age is a number yes... that can define you perspective in life and drive you mad (like me).  So it's not a number per se. It's reminder. Like those reminders you copy in your notebook during homeroom:


REMINDERS:
1. Please wear gala uniform tomorrow.
2. Bring canned goods for offertory.
3. Ask parents to sign the waiver form for next week's field trip.


Here's my version:
1. Please refrain from looking back.
2. Don't be afraid to slow down
3. To hell with 25! Just make sure you get drunk on your birthday b**ch! :)