Of marriage and other lies

I told myself that I would only read Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Committed,” until the fat lady sings or in my so-called layman’s terms: when I’m truly wholeheartedly ready to commit.  I have nothing else to read and I’m in a very frugal mood so I ended up rereading old books. When I read everything, I took the leap and got the courage to pick up, “Committed.”

Some of my close friends know how I’m the epitome of a nutcase… hey wait a minute, look in the url box... “I’m” Sisa. I pushed someone away who some of my friends believe as “the one who got away.” I’m still wrestling with the thought that in my whole life he really is the one who got away. Sana hindi. CHAR!

Anywhoo, “Committed,” is how a skeptic makes peace with marriage. I won’t make kwento already but below are some of my favorite lines… so far.

-       Sometimes, life’s too hard to be alone and sometimes life is too good to be alone.

-       … because the good stuff is always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.

-       I can look at you without wanting to have sex with you.

-       All human suffering is rooted in desire (Buddha)

-       One man’s Venus is another man’s bimbo

-       I had never dared to dream that I would be allowed to have any of those things in my life. 

So far that’s it. I actually don’t care much about this, but I think in the long run I’m going to back to all these… hopefully. Hahaha

So why all of a sudden about marriage?

Yesterday, I had a dress made for a wedding of a friend. She’s the first one to get married in my barkada. I mean come on… seriously? Marriage? I can’t even stand couples holding hands and the thought of me going all lovey dovey gives me the creeps. Although sometimes, I miss it but then I wake up from that illusion sweating like sh*t. I’m not bitter or jealous of my friend but I don’t know I’m just putting myself in her position.

Lies.

A few years ago, I lied to a guy who I was trying to ditch. He’s actually nice…. Even smells nice… Thoughtful, caring, etc. The whole enchilada… but I have my own reasons and hang-ups so I wanted to ditch him. He went to the US for vacation. When he went there after a few months, I told him that I secretly married a son of a political scion and was planning to have a kid soon. Hahaha!

Took me awhile to sell him the whole picture but he bought it. It worked, he never called or e-mailed no nothing. Until this afternoon when he ym-ed me and asked me how my kids are…. Told him casually… “Hey joke lang lahat ng yun naniwala ka naman.” Hahaha

I’m sure he would’ve loved to kick me in the balls well if I have one that is. Hahaha

He said it’s okay but knowing him I’m sure he’s pissed as hell and might be on his 10^th bottle right abouuut now!

Ironic part is… I just realized how he resembles “the one who got away.”

PAK!