Kwento - May 3, 2006 - Until Present

Ito ang Kwento...
Tipong hindi pa nasisimulan tapos na.
Dala ng kamusmusan, panandalian, nagpupumilit magkunwari, masaya, malungkot.
May kwento nga ba? At kung meroon man... What's the point?
Oo meroong kwento. Kailangan ba may point ang pag ungkat sa mga ganitong kwento? Hindi ba pwedeng walang point para open ended ang storya? Ayaw mo ba ng never ending story? Sa bagay, mahirap nga iyon. Walang katapusang ganito. Kwento nga ba o laro? Marahil tayo ay mga laruan lamang at nilagay sa isang Polly Pocket na kung tawagin ay ay... pag iisipan ko na lang muna... binubuksan lamang isang beses sa isang taon. Minsan tinataktak ng nakasara para lang maramdaman na may mga laruan pa pala sa loob. Totoo nga bang may laruan o kathang isip lamang? Kung makakayanan lang nating hayaan itong maging open ended na kwento... Pero dahil sa Hollywood need for clarity and some sense of closure, hindi tayo mapalagay hangga't walang .
 

*Minsan

A Warm Cup

I nod looking at the way you hesitate to take my hand resting so near yours. I know you're already gone. I will make it easy for both of us. I tell myself. I will forget the feel of your hands on my skin. I will smile and tell you that I'm happy for you because that's what you want to hear and that is what I want to believe.I will not hope you will be back soon nor say that i wish was going with you. Instead, I will keep in mind that there is nothing between us anymore. It's just that the coffee is too warm and I am so cold.

Excerpts from A Warm Cup

*Minsan

Don't get out of bed

One of the thrity reasons why you shouldn't get out of bed: if you go out, you might meet someone interesting. If you meet someone interesting, you might fall in love. If you fall in love, you will suffer. Don't suffer. So stay in bed.

-Jessica Zafra

January 22, 2007

11:37 to be precise 11:38 in a while

It's my day off tomorrow so I have all the time to waste. Time is gold as the cliche goes. Every minute.. second... counts..

1....2.... 3.........

Kung may log sheet lang siguro ang bawat araw.. oras.. minuto.. segundo.... ng ating buhay malalaman natin kung gaano natin nilustay ang ating mga kilos sa mga walang ka kwenta kwentang bagay.

PERO

naniniwala ako na ang mga walang ka kwentang kwentang bagay na iyon ay makabuluhan rin sa ating kabuoan.

Tila walang patutunguhan ang aking mga salita pero sa pag titig ko sa aking mga daliri na nag iintay ng utos para pumindot ng mga letra para makabuo ng salita para makabuo ng pangungusap at para makabuo ng ideya.... Napagtanto kong hindi ko na ata kelangan pang magsulat ng ga-litanya pang mga letrang hangin.. sapat ng aminin ko sa sarili ko kung asan ba talaga ako.. Naka upo man o nakatayo..
Pikit man o nakatungo.. Red o black..

Ako'y andito. Sa lugar na ito. sa oras na ito. sa sitwasyong ito. Dito ako. Alam ko na. Dati pa. Aray.

1....2....3.... 11:59

*Minsan

Temporary Adiue

I wrote this three years ago... I can't help but laugh :)) Talk about muussh.

A friend of mine will be leaving tomorrow and for the past few days we have been trying to make his last days memorable. We went to the beach, the boys had a party for him (which may I just share ended up being too traumatic to remember/forget Pao please get well soon), he bought slippers, we had a 99-peso per person exlusive of 12% tax dinner and finally we dropped his girlfriend home. As he came back to the car with tears in his eyes I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
On the way home I encountered this conversation about long distance relationships. I am a self-confessed cynical person. I feed on doubt. Haha I can't remember which philosopher doubted everything except his doubting. Okay it's like I doubt the existence of this wall, of this person of this name, of this word...but I don't doubt my act of doubting. Blah blah. Haha. Moving on! On said something like you can't deny the fact that when you're not together like in the same place or time zone for that matter, it's hopeless. You'd always need someone to be there with you and for you. I beg to disagree. (My cynical senses failed me on this one)
I have been in a long distance relationship... twice. It didn't work out... twice. Yeah I already got the point. It's not my thing. But what I learned even though it didn't work was it CAN work. There are premises involved of course like IF both parties are willing to sacrifice and IF they really truly unrelentlessly love each other. Without these two premises everything would fall apart.
Choice. Last Sunday, the priest said that Jesus' command for us is simple: LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Not love another one (aka third party, etc). Choice. Loving is also about choosing. You choose to love this person and be faithful to this person even if you're apart = everyone happy. I can't believe I'm having a relationship 101 blog. Haha And yes I chose to love and be faithful in my attempt at LDR (long distrance relationship) Nyahaha. The other party gave up. Awww sad face.. Not! Haha No grudges though... Raaarrr...
Whatever it's my blog! You know what... cliche warning: love is about choices. We choose people we love consciously or unconsciously. We choose to love this person despite him gaining some weight, or her living at the end of Fairview, or him being childish and spoiled, or her being roast to black after swimming, or him being only an inch taller than you or her not having the usual fetish you have on girls... etc. etc. the list goes on and on and on... When we love someone we shut all these out and choose to see only the nice, sweet, tingly, mushy things they possess that never fails to make our day complete.
So I say.. go forth, love, wait, be faithful and bliss cometh. Spare yourself of the drama. Life is freaking simple. Hehe

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

To Ter and Eng... Make the right choices. You know that you're each worth it.
*asking me always why made me ponder...this is my answer: situations, thoughts, words can never be enough fathom why. i just know that you are... and i do....

PS. The long distance relationship worked for them. Their still together. :) Ignore the last notation... It was for a former lover.

once is nonce.

 Einmal ist keinmal (once is nonce: "what happened once might never have happened at all"). Therefore, each life is, ultimately, insignificant; every decision, ultimately, does not matter. Since decisions do not matter, they are light: they do not bind, yet simultaneously, the insignificance of our decisions — our lives, our being — is unbearably light, hence, the unbearable lightness of being.

Read if you only have the patience to do so....

I had this friend who was so perplexed about "love." Not that the person was in love or bitter or anything... A cheesy philosopher. :)) Wala softy ka chong!!! Kala ko ba idol mo si Plato? :)) (?!?!!?)

Monday August 23, 2004

FALLING IN LOVE


When you think of your past love. You may view it
as a failure,

But when you find a new love; you view the past as
a teacher;

In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who
won or who lost.

What is important is you know when to hold on and
when to let go!

You know you really love someone when you want
him or her to be happy.

Even if their happiness means that you're not part
of it;

Everything happens for the best.

If the person you love doesn't love you back,

Don’t be afraid to love someone else again,

For you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never love a person you love unless you risk
for love;

Love strives in hurting;

If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.

Love doesn't hurt all the time;

Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help
you grow.

Don't find love, let love find you;

That's why it's called falling in love because you
don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.

You cannot finish a book without closing its
chapters.

If you want to go on, then you have to leave the
past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by
a single caress.

It is a lifetime venture in which we are always
learning, discovering and growing;

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you
need to hold on

And holding on when you need to let go.

We lose someone we love only when we are
destined to find someone else---

One who can love us even more than we can love
ourselves.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and
then get beckon the horse.

But don't ever make the same mistake of riding
the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk
dying,
to hope is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing!

To reach for another is to risk involvement, to
expose your feelings is to expose your true self,

To love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be
constant but not too persistent, share and never be

unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but
never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife.

It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful
images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.

It should inspire you and give you joy and strength.

But sometimes the things that give you joy can
also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom
who they choose to be and where they choose to
be;

For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy
days and fruitless years, you should give thanks.

For you know, that they were the things that have
helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to
find his way,

Whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be
taken no matter how scary or painful,

For only then that you'll experience the fullness of
humanity and that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire,
and tear you apart.

Only love can make you cry and only love knows
why.

If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to
take
the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain,

Then you're not ready to fall in love.

There was a time in our lives when we became
afraid to fall in love,

Because every time we do, we get hurt.

Then I figured that's why it's called falling in love.

RIP JP Quinto You'll always be missed. 

the one who got away?

I was browsing through my old blogs and sites so the next few entries would be blast from the past in themes.

This was from my multiply blog. A friend sent me this via e-mail when I was in college.

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people.
Ones with whom you shared something special,
ones who will always mean something. There's the
one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the
one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a
pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that
got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that
person with whom everything was great,
everything was perfect, but the timing was just
wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was
no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't
fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact
that ending up with someone, finding a longtime
partner that is, does not lie merely in the other
person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or
maybe even the greater part, has to do with the
matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready
to settle down and commit to someone in a way
that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy
romance.

How often have you gone through it without even
realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in
that mature manner, it doesn't matter whom you're
with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become
big; inconsequentials become deal breakers
simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's
not that you and the person you're with are no
good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things
become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And
when this happens you'll be ready to settle down
with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest stars of
romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll
work because you're ready. It'll work because it's
the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll
make sense, it really will. So that day comes when
you're finally making sense of things, and you find
yourself to be a different person. Things are
different, your approach is different, you finally
understand who you are and what you want, and
you've become ready because the time has truly
arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this
day will come. Hopefully you're single but you
could be in a long-term relationship, you could be
married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you
know is that you've changed, and for some
reason, the one that got away, is the first person
you think about. You'll think about them because
you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?"
You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with
me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one
that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have
in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact
that the one that got away, got away. Believe me,
no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is,
this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully
you're mature enough to realize that you're already
with the one you're with and this is just another test
of your commitment, one which will just strengthen
your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll
think about him/her every so often, but it's alright.
It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but
it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the
one who's already married. In which case it's the
same thing. You just have to accept and know that
your memories of that person will probably bring a
nice little smile to your lips in the future when
you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither
of that is the case, then it's different. What do you
do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find
her. Because the very existence of a "one that got
away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you
got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it
doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of
nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might
be "the one that got away" as well for the person
who is youre the one that got away.

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it wont
make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it
will all just fall into place somehow and youll know.
Im thinking it will be a great feeling, in the end, to
be able to say to someone in Hey you, youre the
one that almost got away."

Quotable Quotes

"Okay lang matuwa ka sakin... wag ka lang ma in love"

PAK!

Feel good song...

with a shot of Tequila and a bottle of Corona to wash it down in a bar along a beach...

Shhhwaaaabeeeehhh....

He has an androgynous vibe that I love. Hihi 

Back off loneliness, and hello tenderness
I've been waiting for your call for so long
It must have been hard just to follow your soul
To stick to the road that your heart wants you to go

I love my job: Zamboanga

Most people who knew I was coming to Zamboanga basically had one thing to say... "nakoooo mag-ingat ka dun, baka madukot ka!"

Seriously? Do I look like the "kidnapable" type?

 

eY0w p0wZ

As usual, I got the first flight out at around 4:50 AM. I'm beginning to tire of all the mediocre food in Centennial 2. Delifrance is so-so. Mr. Donut is Mr. Donut. The smoking area cafe is the best by far but no matter how you try to spray the stench after away it just won't.

Unfortunately, I got seated beside a big big like.... hhhmm.. Mr. Clean-ish guy. Who made turbulence happen with his snores. Even Greyhoundz' Pigface or Slapshock's Lo Mejor can't save you from his dreams.

I stayed in Lantaka Hotel. If I remember it right, it's the only hotel in Zambo (yes close kami) beside the sea. Again, unfortunately, the only room left was facing the road not the sea. So much for the sea view part. It's P1,400/night no breakfast included. If you need wifi, they'll charge you P50.00 for the password.

Bed 1 and Bed 2

Bed 3 and Bed 2

Circa 1990 Samsung Colored TV

Wait for it... lalabas si Sadako.

It's the second hotel in Mindanao that I got more than one bed in a room. Bed 1 definitely gave me the creeps. You know those old movies where soldiers die in their beds? In real life, the bed's like that. AFRAIIIIDD. What I did was took out ALL the contents of my luggage and piled them on Bed 1 just so I'm sure no one would occupy it. You know what I mean.

I didn't get to go around as much as I was discouraged by locals themselves that some tourists just stick out like a banana in a box of apples (where did that come from?!) and you don't want that. No worries though, I think I would be go back there again this year for another business trip. Okay moving on....

First night we had dinner in this place they called Paseo Del Mar. Basically, its their version of our Baywalk. Its beside the sea, they restaurants there with some acoustic bands and of course they serve seafood. How would you know if you're in Paseo Del Mar?

Well Paseo del Sol is in Gen San. Sooo.... just ask the tricycle to take you to Paseo del Mar. Haha Kidding! Took a photo of these three because I just thought their cute bordering to annoying.

We ate at....

Sinagang na Hipon with Lemongrass, Liempo, Ginataang Hipon, Chickem BBQ

Highlight for me was the Ginataang Hipon... It's so close to my all time favorite, Nilasing na Hipon from Iloilo. :) Yes, I love shrimps aka Hipons. Yah know.

Next day for lunch went to Haisan. It's supposedly a high end dampa there. It's so high end their seafood is more expensive than the ones here in Manila.

A little overcooked (?) Calamares

Chili Prawns

Vegetarian (green yung laman loob eh CHAR) Lapu-Lapu in Soy Sauce

 Dinner in Palmeras

Seafood and CHUNKS of Lechon Kawali

  Saturday is for giving thanks...

Hypnotic landscape of Fort Pilar Shrine

Say a little prayer

for you. hihi *heart* CHAR!

And finally the beautiful side of my hotel which I only got to see on the day I was leaving. 

Mini Ballroom

Add caption

Jack Coke please :D

There you have it folks. Took me quite some time to finish this but what the hey. Here it is.

My only regret was I didn't get to see the pink beach of Sta. Cruz but then again... I'll be back by July :)

Next stop: the island of Durian and some more durian. Baguio! CHAR! Haha